At some point soon--perhaps later today--you will be in a situation of your own making in which an apology is called for. What's the best way to apologize? What should you avoid doing?
Here are the key dos and don'ts for ethically intelligent apologies.
The Dos
1. Do it now.
The longer you wait to apologize, the harder it will be. Each moment you delay causes avoidable agony.
2. Use ‘I’ language.
Say, “I was wrong,” even if you’re a team leader. The best leaders take responsibility for what happens on their watch, even if they didn’t commit the infraction themselves.
3. Pledge not to repeat the mistake.
“It won’t happen again” may be mere words, but they go a long way toward restoring your trustworthiness.
4. Reveal how you’ll avoid making the mistake again.
An apology with a plan is an apology that means something.
5. Accept the consequences.
Feeling bad may not be enough of a response. If you face punishment or discipline, accepting it is the honorable thing to do.
The Don’ts
1. Don’t explain why you made a mistake.
Unless the other person presses you for an explanation (unlikely), adding one muddies the apology. It may be heard as an attempt to justify the mistake, even if you don’t mean it that way.
2. Don’t say, “I’m sorry if you were offended.”
This dodge is a non-apology apology. The problem isn’t the thin skin of the other person. It’s you.
3. Don’t keep talking.
Just like the gambler in the Kenny Rogers song (written by Don Schlitz), you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em. That’s usually a lot sooner than you think. Say your piece, then stop.
4. Don’t use the wrong medium for your message
Don’t call when you can apologize in person. Don’t email when you can call. Don’t text when you can write an email.
Call to action
The dos and don’ts of ethically intelligent apologies are:
- Do it now.
- Use “I” language.
- Pledge not to repeat the mistake.
- Reveal how you’ll avoid making the mistake again.
- Accept the consequences.
- Don’t explain why you made the mistake.
- Don’t say “I’m sorry if you were offended.”
- Don’t keep talking.
Don’t use the wrong medium for the message.
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This blog post originally appeared in an expanded form in my Forbes column on ethical leadership.
Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you're having a good day. Or had a good one, if you're reading this late.
At your service,
Bruce Weinstein, The Ethics Guy®
Forbes Contributor | Keynote demo | Phone (424) 394-0804 | TheEthicsGuy.com| | LinkedIn | Twitter
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